First of all, you should know, last night was fantastic. No one can deny that you're an extremely talented young man. You have an innate sense of performance that serves to enhance the music without distracting from its position as the key element to your show. Meg was of course excellent. She's such a charming girl, you can't help but adore her, can you? The venue, while a bit lacking in acoustics, was just fine. I'm sure you'll be happy to know I could see very well. I hope you didn't mind I didn't sing along with you, even when specifically asked, but my throat's been a bit sore. Also, I paid $40 to see you sing, you want to see my lips move, I expect the same, but that's neither here nor there. I guess the point that I'm trying to make, Jack, is this - never ever wear spandex pants in public again. Ever.
PS - Ever.